


I Think I Fell in Love with the Pouring Rain

by peroxideprincess



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, One Shot, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-28
Updated: 2012-11-28
Packaged: 2017-11-19 19:05:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/576623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peroxideprincess/pseuds/peroxideprincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You were born to feel a way you don’t have a word for.” <br/>-Matthew Zapruder</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Think I Fell in Love with the Pouring Rain

**Author's Note:**

> A couple of warnings include suicide, suicide attempt, reference to self-harm, and reference to abuse. Any and all grammatical errors and such are my own.
> 
> Other than that, thanks for reading and feedback is always appreciated!

"Dean. Dean!" Sam yelled as he smacked his hand on the door. "Please open the door! Dad isn't home and I won't tell him anything, but you need to let me know what you took so that I can help you!"  
"Sam this isn't an accidental overdose and this isn't debatable!" Dean replied as he sat with his back next to the wall beside his bedroom door.  
"Fuck Dean, c'mon!" Sam hit and kicked the door before he ran up the stairs and fumbled with the house phone until he dialed the right numbers to call his father.

 

“Sam?” the voice on the other end asked.  
“Dad I know you don’t like me calling while you’re working but Dean he’s-” Sam was cut off almost as quick as he was trying to speak.  
“-He’s capable of taking care of himself and of you, unless he messed it up somehow.”  
“This isn’t what this is about, okay! He is in trouble and he needs your help!” He said as he started to pace and push his hair back with his free hand.  
“Well shit, Sam. Figure it out. I’m working and then I’m drinking. Goodbye.” John’s words were spoken tired and cold.  
“What? So that you can come home drunk and beat the shit out of Dean?! Man up and be a dad for once!”  
When the line went dead, Sam finally realized that he had a father, but not a dad.

 

Sam felt himself begin to hyperventilate and ran both his hands over his face. As calmly as he could, he search the drawer full of miscellaneous items until he found the piece of paper with numbers scribbled on it that he was looking for. He drew in a deep breathe and pick the phone up from the counter where he had threw it down and dialed.  
“Hello?”  
“Hi, yes, uh Mr. Novak? Sorry to bother you so late but uh- is, is Castiel around? I really need to speak to him right away um I’m Sa- Sam Winchester, John’s boy from down the street?” Mr. Novak took a moment to process all that was just spat into his ear and with a slight laugh he replied, “Sure thing son. Are you alright?” He then moved the phone from his mouth just enough so that Sam could faintly hear him yelling for his son.  
“Uh, Sam?” a confused voice asked.  
“Castiel, please I- I need your help, Dean he, he-”  
“Sam, it’s okay, what’s wrong?”  
“No, no, no it’s not okay Dean, Dean is trying to kill himself and I don’t know what to do I- I just I went into the bathroom and there were empty bottles and I can’t, he’s all I have Castiel please tell me what to do.” Castiel could hear the fear as Sam spoke and could tell he was trying to hold back tears.  
“Shit- listen, I’ll be right over. Try to stay calm okay?” Castiel tried to take in everything and take his own advice and stay calm.  
“Okay, I- I’m trying thank- thank you so much.”

 

As Castiel let himself into the Winchester’s house, he could hear Sam’s cries and pleas from across the house.  
“Please Dean, please! You- you can’t leave me alone with dad. He’s poison you know it! I know he hits you and he and he screams at you when he’s drunk but please Dean, please. This isn’t what mom would want for you.” he pleaded.  
“Don’t fucking bring mom into this! Mom is gone, Sammy!”  
Castiel quickly got down the staircase and pulled Sam into his arms.  
“Cas, save him. Please.” Sam pushed his red and wet face into Castiel’s chest, grabbing at the fabric at the back of his deep green shirt.  
“Shh. It’s okay. It’s okay. Go upstairs and get calmed down. I’ll make sure it’s okay, okay?” Castiel cooed and watched as Sam nodded, jiggling the door handle one last time before running up the stairs.  
“C-Cas? Novak is that you?” Dean’s eyes widened as he asked from the other side of the door.  
“Yeah. Yeah it’s Castiel.” He took a moment after speaking to move closer to the door as if to get closer to the other side. “Dean, I need to see you. Let me in. What did you take?”  
“Does it matter?”  
“ _Yes_ it matters, what the hell did you take?”  
“This isn’t me playing around with prescription drugs and painkillers, Cas. If it wasn’t clear to you...” Dean’s words started out firm and strong, but as he finished his sentence his voice was almost at a whisper, “I’m trying to kill myself.”  
“Don’t say that.” Castiel said quietly.  
“Then what, what? Sit here, slit my wrists and cry over it? No. I’m sick of it. I’m done. Endgame.”  
“I am NOT going to let you die! What the fuck did you take!” Cas’ voice was loud as he hit the door twice.  
“Ha, I took a bottle of advil, some tylenol, meloxicam. Chased it with some whiskey, wouldn’t be a Winchester without the alcohol.” His lips curled into a small smirk as he spoke, realizing how messed up he was.  
“Please. Just let me in so I can see you.” Cas said as he bit his lip upon the realization that it was trembling.  
“D’you know what Jo told me in the car today? We were driving, or, I was driving and we passed over the river and I asked her what she thought drowning was like. She gave me the look, y’know the look- she always gives me when she’s tired. I told her, I’d ‘ve driven the car off of the bridge if she weren’t with me. And, and she told me I was starting to scare her. I was starting to scare her.”  
“ _Dean._ ” Castiel accentuated his name as if to gain more of his attention. “You’re scaring _me._ ”  
“Fuck like the time I kissed you? At Meg’s party, on her back porch? I had alcohol in my veins and you were talking about some painter- Jan Van something and you look so pretty when you talk about things that interest you... because your eyes light up when you care.” he explained as pain in his stomach began to _really_ set in.  
“H-how did you remember Van Eyck’s name? You were wasted, I-I thought you forgot you’d kissed me and I just-” Cas whimpered and pushed his forehead against the door.  
“I wasn’t that far gone. I remembered because your eyes. I shouldn’t ‘ve done that. Christ you’re not even- I’m sorry I kissed you.”  
“I’m not. I’d let you kiss me again.” They both got quiet and Castiel traced his fingertips up and down the door with one hand and the other hand on the door knob. A few moments passed and Cas could hear Dean beginning to cry. He took a deep breath before speaking, hoping not to cry too hard himself. “Dean. Please open the door.”  
“Why?” Dean said as he moved to stand against the door as if to get closer to Cas.  
“Because I love you. Because Sam loves you and Jo loves you and Ellen and Bobby and that is something to live for.”  
Dean ran both his hands over his cheeks before speaking quietly, “I hate myself, Cas. Looking at myself in the mirror makes me sick. I’m a constant reminder to my dad that mom is dead and that I’m the poster boy for fucking things up. Everything I touch goes to shit and everyone I care about I end up hurting. Sometimes- sometimes I want to touch boys more than girls and that’s- wrong. I can’t do anything right.”  
“No, no you’re a good person I know I can’t- I can’t change how you feel about yourself,” Castiel felt his tears getting heavier as he talked, “but you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I think, I think everyone hates themselves at times, I mean shit, I know I do. But you- you have to keep going. I would never be able to handle you not being here.”

With a click that sounded louder than it should and the gradual turn of the doorknob, the door open as Cas jumped back and Dean barely stepped foot of his bedroom before Cas threw himself into Dean hugging him tight.  
“Please don’t ever do that again.” Cas sobbed into Dean’s shoulder.  
“Fuck it hurts, Cas.” Castiel stepped back allowing Dean to put more of his body weight into him.  
“Sam! Sam, come here and call an ambulance!” he yelled as he started to help Dean move towards the bathroom. Sam grabbed the phone and ran downstairs, dialing 911. Castiel got Dean into the bathtub and turned on the shower, keeping the water cold. He got in with him, standing over him holding his shoulders.  
“Try to make yourself throw up or I will stick my hand down your throat.” With that, Dean shoved two fingers in his mouth and started gagging. “Shh it’s okay. It’s okay you’re gonna be okay.” Cas cooed and lightly kissed Dean on his forehead.  
“The ambulance is on its way. Is- is he going to be okay?” Sam said hopefully with his eyes beginning to water again.  
“I think he’s gonna be okay. He’s okay.” Cas said, now sitting with Dean, one hand touching his face and the other holding his hand.  
“I’m sorry.” Dean croaked through a burning throat, looking up at Castiel pale and tired, moving Cas’ wet hair off of his face.  
“You have nothing to be sorry about. Okay? You’re okay.”  
“The Last Judgement.” Dean said, pushing his face into Castiel’s neck.  
“What?” Castiel asked, genuinely confused.  
“The Last Judgement, that was your favorite Jan Van something's painting.”  
He kissed the top of his head and replied, “I love you Dean, so much.”  
“I love you too, Cas.”


End file.
